Making a difference

It has been quite a while since I last updated this blog..Maybe its because I've nothing to blog about..nothing,really..Just me, sitting my wide butt at home, doing the 'daily grind' as a 'home maker', while I could actually go and seek a job. For the last three months, I have finally put things in perspective..Three months you say?yeah,three effing, freaking, %$&*!? months. I could've scored a decent job. Hell, I could've scored one heck of a job! But I didn't.. and instead, what I did was waiting for things to fall into place. Which of course, it did not.You see, my grand plan was to fly far away from home and to further my studies abroad, which at first, was promising; my application was successful, I could finish my bach. degree in less than 2 years..bla bla bla.. but that 'grand plan' of mind did not take place. I kept wishing and praying reallll hard so that I'll be able to go,but here I am..still praying..and instead of just shrug it off and move on to the next plan, all I could do was feeling sorry for myself. and I didn't have a Plan B. Let alone a Plan C. I was... in a state of denial.. I denied a lot of things, which I..well, quite frankly, am not going to put here in great details. I'll give myself away as a whiner! (which sadly, I am..). These denials were the things that actually jeopardised my chance to lead a relatively happy life!  Perhaps my motive of leaving home was selfish..wrong, even. Just by thinking that if I could escape that particular 'problem', things will turn out OK. But by running from it, it actually made it worse. I made it worse. I blame the universe but myself. Shit bound to happen and I knew it, but yet, I'm still holding on to that "oh, things will turn out the way I wanted eventually, you'll see". For three damn months, I felt sorry for myself...when I should've stop wasting time and quit my mopping and do something about it. So now I have to suck up all the gumption left, lift my chin up high and move on. Just move on. God work in mysterious ways and I know there's something good will come out of this. But if I can't help myself, then nobody will, not even God. So beginning now, things will change, for the better.Let's make a difference!